What's My Age Again?

Friday, December 16, 2011

If something worth having is worth suffering for then I'm on the right track.
Although sometimes, because what you want to attain is so far away,
the Needless aspect often sets in to curdle.
I always try to do my best to be ahead of where I could be.
And looking back on what I give up to get there, it can't be for nothing.
So when I feel unhappy of where I've gotten myself, I have 2 options;


With everything I've done with my years, people often forget how old I really am.
Heck, I forget how I am some days.
After all, I've modeled for 6 years, emcee-d over 40 events in 2 of it, held a full time job social media marketing then continued for a year as a fashion writer all while blogging until I got paid to. Not to mention I self managed all those careers while living out of home the entire time. Work aside, I spent a good amount of the years networking myself into KL's social scene, read a gazillion books and traveled to broaden my perspective while relentlessly put myself out there, heart break after heartbreak, till I found my Ideal life partner.
Now, I've landed on a highly enviable job in the niche of a niche of a niche market.
People tell me that's amazing,
Really amazing, for someone my age,
But to be honest, I feel like I'm struggling,
All 22 years of me.

When you sit in an older person's position, you are expected to know certain older people things.
Like how to read minds of multiple people, none of who really are or want to be in charge of you.
Or to balance being quicker without losing details.
Sometimes I'm expected to assume things because nobody is really telling me anything,
and then I'm told not to assume anything, yet get told I should already know something when I ask because I should have already asked somebody else.
 Then to get apprehended for not knowing what a 28 year old would feels.....unfair.
I definitely do not get the salary of someone older, yet I'm expected to perform as one resulting in the paperwork to my current unhappiness.

I think I have acted my age enough, hiding in the bathroom to cry on one occasion from the stress of being better than the best I can be. But I also deducted this all can't be for nothing.
Thus, I will be faking the professional facade of an older woman who has actually lived long enough to learn all these things I'm expected to know, till I actually do.
Life is unfair so having it unfair too makes me relatively normal in a way.
And since I'm ahead of where I could be and on the right track, why digress?
People have done greater for less.

Then in the middle of the tangled ball of yarn that is my thoughts, it hit's me,
'What is my age, again?'
Well today I'm 22 and in 11 days I'll be 23.
Before we know it, I'll be lying about my age!
So till then I am 22 and very happy with the sacrifices I have made and will continue to make.
Feeling miserable in our decisions can be just a passing cloud on  rainy day and I'm sharing mine for those of you over achievers who are beating themselves up too. You aren't alone and I'll see you at the top someday where we can laugh about it :)

Pillowtalk Bolster


  1. ..Life is always not fair. the more/better u do, they expect more n more.. .. U should be proud with what u hv already achieved. Happy birthday...

  2. I remember reading your blog when you were still in high school, and back then, your blog had many haters in the comments and chatbox ( I tried defending you,but that only made them said that you used someone else's name to defend yourself, I'm sorry about that!). Look at where you are now and all those haters are nowhere.All those people that tries to bring you down only made you stronger,didnt they?

    I know you already know this, but, remember, you're doing so much better than a lot of people.You're doing so much better than people older than you tht had more experiences,and I'm only a year younger than you and I'll never achieve what you have achieved, not even half.

    Back then i already thought that you were very mature for your age, and it is great that you are, look at what you have achieved! You don't have to cry anymore, you are great.It won't be for nothing.
    It is great that The Rise of the Youth Nation chose you as their speial guest, it is very appropriate, you'll be great role model.

    You WILL be on top.


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