Owning Insecurities.

Friday, April 22, 2011

On a scale of 1 to 10, how insecure would you rate yourself?
I would tell you  mine, except I truly believe it doesn't matter.

People can hide behind Responsibility, dress themselves well in big shiny words and dance with non-chalance to camouflage whatever it is they feel a need to blend into the background. Yet it takes one to know one, so I see through them. I was young(er) when I realized that everybody in this world could be owners of their Insecurities instead of just being insecure.

Irregardless, I used to think by portraying myself to be above that, I would eventually become so. But after bartering recklessness with experience, I find myself bold in acceptance that I too like everybody else, am insecure..
Some blame their parents, others their coincidences but most blame themselves.
Yet somehow rather, we all inherited fears.
My biggest one took a long time to surface but it came out eventually; I don't deserve to be loved.
It is hard to explain, especially since I am so very optimistic in person and sociable now but know I wasn't always. I try to pin it down to something in my past but it feels like I'm grabbing into a pond with carp that are so much deeper than I can hope to catch. Though I can't find an exact cause, the carcasses of it's effect litter my painful and messy transition into an adulthood I can't claim in the name of a youth I somehow slept through.

I'm now 22, without a steady job nor anything most find worth mentioning to my name.
But I do own my own insecurities and hopefully coming into that acceptance so very young will prove invaluable from my 4 years spent floating where fearfully fearless people swim, deeper than most can ever hope to catch.

It feels priceless to know for sure, I deserve to be loved by someone who deserves to be loved.
And it is comforting to deeply believe that everything else will find it's place and time.
Especially since running out of time will never be an insecurity of mine.

It doesn't matter how insecure you are, what matters is how you wan't to deal with it.
Cheers to owning insecurities over being insecure, Pillowtalkers!
Pillowtalk Bolster

1 comment:

  1. well said........and you know exactly what you're doing.

    like ..." i deserve to be loved by someone who deserves to be loved "...


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