Brilliance; A Product of Arrogance and Self-Centred-ness.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

A dear dear friend said last week, 'Brie, I think for the most part, the crazy stress you have is self manufactured.' And i guess you are right. Doing 'great' will never be enough for me as Perfectionism is a story with no possible end which I'm determined to manipulate to my standards. High anxiety isn't for everyone and 'Isn't for everyone' is somehow always for me.

Yet I can't not love the only way I've ever known. Wake up call for me was to realize my drive must always come first, or i'll be miserable. Tried and tested going against this one time too many and I'm finally ready to accept it. I've gotta be a little more selfish to get what I think I deserve. And face it, guys don't care much for or know how to appreciate what they already have at waiting on them at home. Even if you are beautiful, smart, self sufficient and more caring than they deserve. Not the unconventionally brilliant ones i tend to go for anyway. To be brilliant and successful requires a certain amount of arrogance and self centredness, I never admitted to having. Guess it my turn to play this role I resented so much and let someone else fall through the cracks of my fingers. The dynamics of relationships are always such.

At the end of most days I think to myself, thank goodness i got jaded so early. Now I know I'll never be 30+ married with kids, living at home, over weight and utterly utterly miserable. So, I remind myself to be sincerely thankful for an entire year of being taken forgranted.


Love, is what it is, a comfortable lie.
Buy or sell it.
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3 comments:

  1. Appreciation of everything surrounding on us..and i feel good after go through your contents...:=)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, contentment is a mind set not a set to be on.

    Thanks :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOVE, is unconditional
    hang-on... let me re-phrase...

    TRUE LOVE, is unconditional

    to sum it up... everything else is either a lie, or half-truths, illusions, or figments of our imagination

    and contentment is found by balancing the + and - and accepting that it's good enough... which is never easy for perfectionists ;)

    have i gone down this path in your comments boxes before?... hehe...

    ReplyDelete

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